By McKenna Leavens
I am going to be really transparent with you all right now — my love life has been a complete and total disaster.
I stay taking the L when it comes to boys. Yes, I said boys because I refuse to believe I have actually met a man yet.
Honestly, I know the issue. There is a common theme with all of these guys — they are all people I truly can not see myself being with.
It may not be nice, but it’s the truth.
I keep letting guys in my life whose only characteristics are that they smoke weed and fail all of their classes. I know that sounds harsh but honestly, I give these guys way too much credit.
Even when people totally screw me over, I always speak highly of them. That’s just who I am, I always try to see the best in others even when they have given me every reason not to.
This isn’t about bashing the guys I’ve talked to, but it’s simply me speaking my truth.
It usually happens like this, there will be a guy who is genuine, sweet and an overall angel who I know will treat me the way I should be treated.
But, then there will be this other guy who is endearing yet emotionally unavailable and overall the opposite of the first.
Can you guess which one I go after?
I continue to go down this path and pick the guy who I know, in my heart, is not the one for me. I pick the one who I know I won’t end up with. Why the hell do I do this?
Truthfully, good guys scare me.
The emotionally unavailable assholes are predictable. You don’t have any expectations for them, and in the end, you never get your hopes up for anything special to happen.
But the good guys… damn those ones are hard to find, and once you do it’s hard not to mess things up.
I guess I’ve gotten so used to being alone lately that I can’t picture myself with anyone for an extended period of time.
Yeah, it’s fun to go on dates but actually committing to someone right now? No freakin way.
Some of my past articles have received comments saying, “Wow it seems like you’ve been talking to a lot of guys” or “You’re going on a lot of dates.”
But isn’t that how you meet people? It’s how you decide what you like and don’t like.
How do you do that if you’re just sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself because your ex-boyfriend hurt you?
When you’re single, you have to experience a ton of weird, awkward dates before you can stumble across one that exceeds expectations and calls for a second.
I can still be independent and figure out who I am while I go out on dates to meet new people. In reality, this is a part of the whole process of figuring out what you want in this world.
I will never apologize for “talking to too many guys” or “dating too much.”
I am young and single and nowhere near ready to settle down and commit to someone for the rest of my life.
I am DONE apologizing to guys for doing me wrong. I am DONE giving credit where credit is not deserved.
Maybe one day I’ll pick the good guy, but right now I choose me.